Jury duty can be a real pain.
It often gets in the way of the important things in life, such as celebrating birthdays, dealing with the stresses of being married, and having to find time for your sugar daddy that you see every day.
It’s important to note that sugar daddies are notoriously demanding creatures, and are unlikely to be put off for very long by so pedestrian an excuse as “jury duty.” And this is precisely the unenviable predicament that one Florida woman found herself in when appearing at the voir dire process in the sentencing trial for Parkland school shooter Nikolas Cruz.
When Circuit Court Judge Elizabeth Scherer asked the pool of potential jurors whether they had any questions or concerns about their requirements, the woman—who is only identified as “Miss Bristol”—eagerly brought her concerns to the attention of the court, as seen in video footage from the court.
“This is a whole entire month,” she said, reasonably. The trial is expected to take place over the month of July, at least. Unfortunately for Miss Bristol, who leads a very full life, there are apparently too many demands on her time and attention for her to possibly cram a month-long sentencing trial onto her already packed plate.
“I’m married, and I have my sugar daddy,” a prospective juror told a Florida judge this week in her bid to get out of serving on Parkland killer Nikolas Cruz’s death penalty jury. https://t.co/7sB6IVcFsW pic.twitter.com/JzH582T6oJ
— Michael Ruiz (@mikerreports) April 6, 2022
“First of all, let me clarify myself,” Miss Bristol continued so that there might be no mistaking the seriousness of her problem. “July second is my birthday, July fourth is my son, and the 18th is my other son.”
At this point, Judge Scherer held up her hand. “Okay hold on, hold on, wait, wait, wait…don’t talk too fast, please, we have to be able to understand,” she said, intrigued by the story Miss Bristol was unfolding at a hurried pace. “So you said that the July…there’s dates in July that you’re not available. What are those dates?”
Miss Bristol obliged: “July seventh, July fourth, and July eighteenth. And again, I need to figure out something. I have my sugar daddy that I see every day.”
Do tell, Miss Bristol.
Judge Scherer, somewhat nonplussed and understandably confused at this point, expressed the mood of the courtroom. “I’m sorry?” she asked.
“My sugar daddy,” Miss Bristol replied as if to rebuke the judge for being unbearably slow-witted.
“Okay, I’m not exactly sure what you’re talking about but we’ll—” Scherer stammered, but Bristol wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily.
“I’m married, and I have my sugar daddy,” she explained matter-of-factly, “I see him every day.”
The judge, clearly flummoxed, concluded the mystifying interview. “Okay, all right. Ma’am, we’ll come back to you, okay? Thank you.”
Understandably, they never did come back to her. Bristol was among the more than 120 prospective jurors who were dismissed on Monday. Meanwhile, video of the bizarre exchange went viral in no time, and Twitter users felt no compunction about making light of the strange situation.
"I'm married, and I have my sugar daddy," a prospective juror told a Florida judge this week in her bid to get out of serving on Parkland killer Nikolas Cruz's death penalty jury. https://t.co/7sB6IVcFsW pic.twitter.com/JzH582T6oJ
— Michael Ruiz (@mikerreports) April 6, 2022
Just when you think you’ve heard everything, a Florida woman get out of jury duty because she has to see her sugar daddy every day! 😳
— hana with one n (🚫DMs) (@hana___anah) April 7, 2022
A woman was removed from a jury because she said she was too busy with 2 birthdays and her sugar daddy.
— 👻 staMishincghost 👻 (@StamishincGhost) April 7, 2022
In November, Nikolas Cruz pled guilty to the charge of premeditated murder of 14 students and three staff at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, on Valentine’s Day 2018. The sentencing trial will now take place to decide whether he is to be sentenced to death or life in prison without parole.
The defense is expected to ask the jury to consider a number of mitigating factors, including Cruz’s history of brain damage as a result of his mother’s substance abuse while pregnant, as well as lifelong mental health issues and allegations he was bullied and sexually abused.
Under Florida law, a death penalty verdict must be unanimous—just one dissenting vote will lead to life in prison without parole.
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