Thanks to millennials, the phrase “stick it where the sun doesn’t shine” has lost all meaning.
In what will surely solidify the beginnings of the 21st century as one of the strangest eras in all of mankind, we are introduced to “perineum sunning.”
That being to sun ourselves where the sun never shines.
In what the New York Post calls “the hottest trend,” we are told of wellness die-hards tanning their cans — as in their “buttholes.”
An influencer who goes by Ra of Earth declared in an Instagram video: “In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on.”
Watching the video you’d swear it’s a parody, but it appears that they are serious.
It is also the clearest evidence that this is the greatest time ever to be alive, where the world is so devoid of serious problems and other calamities that inhabitants can take pause to ponder the impact of sunshine on the anus and neighboring body parts.
Ra of Earth shared a step-by-step “Sun Worship Exercise” from a book by Dr. Stephen T. Chang, “The Tao of Sexology: The Book of Infinite Wisdom.”
“Sunlight has excellent germicidal qualities, and exposure to the sun will help keep the anal and vaginal areas healthy and free of germs. It is also excellent for the treatment of hemorrhoids,” the guide states.
And they have disciples.
“Butthole sunning!” declared Instagram user Troy Casey. “[30] seconds of direct sunlight injection to the anal orifice is equivalent to being outside in the sun all day!”
And then there’s the testimonial from a woman who goes by Metaphysical Meagan that makes legal weed advocates look tame.
“My experience with perineum sunning has been profound,” she said in an Instagram post. “I have been practicing this for a few months now … I no longer rely on coffee for energy to start my day because I am getting my energy from the sun. I’m experiencing better sleep and require less sleep due to boost of overall energy.”
Even pets are getting in on the latest trend!
Of course, the one commonality in all the posts is the opportunity for the individuals to post naked photos of themselves.
Unfortunate for them, Rolling Stone gave their claims the smell test and found that there is little scientific basis to the claim — this coming from the same camp that opts to ignore science when it comes to gender.
The hard-left magazine contacted Mary Jane Minkin, MD, a practicing gynecologist and instructor at the Yale School of Medicine, who said that while the anal area has billions of bacteria, “no amount of sunlight will kill them (nor do we necessarily want them killed), since most of us live in very good harmony with our microbiome.”
Minkin also said that there is a risk to exposing your derriere to the sun.
“That tissue in the body is about the most delicate tissue there is, so why do anything to which one could have an allergic reaction?” she said.
And imagine the pain of a sunburn, although that may be the least of worries for the guys:
These guys are just asking for it pic.twitter.com/Wh7DfYO0n7
— Joe the Dissident (@joethepatriotic) November 27, 2019
Here’s a sampling of other responses to the story from Twitter:
— emily ⚰️ (@emnightcat) November 27, 2019
I sense a Matthew Broderick movie coming….a sequel to The Road to Wellville.
— CASACarl (@TheRealCASACarl) November 26, 2019
These guys must be from the UN. This must be during one of their save the climate meetings, they think out their a^*, they might as well put the light where the light don’t shine. pic.twitter.com/NPA3X2mcqN
— ALL IN THE NAME OF CANADA (@merrianne1) November 27, 2019
Attention seeking behavior is to act in a way that is likely to elicit attention, usually to elicit validation from others. People are thought to engage in both positive and negative attention seeking behavior independent of the actual benefit or harm to health. Bottom line: Dumb
— BMB (@boubabmb) November 28, 2019
And these are the ppl telling trump supporters they’re crazy and ghetto
— ¿todoBIEN? ?️? (@TheDan623) November 27, 2019
What. The. Feck?
Oh well. If anything, I can make a prediction;
In ten to twenty years time, there will be a surge in cases of arse cancer.
But by then, people will have forgotten what the cause was…
— C. D. L. Watts (@CDL_Watts) November 28, 2019
I see that white people are looking for new and better ways to display their lack of common sense and get skin cancer in excessively painful places. Yeesh. pic.twitter.com/IeiGyK0vZp
— Victoria Brownworth (@VABVOX) November 27, 2019
— Pepsi Cola (@PepsiCola78910) November 26, 2019
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Tom@bizpacreview.com
The longest-tenured writer at BizPac Review, Tom grew up in Maryland before moving to Central Florida as a young teen. It is in the Sunshine State that he honed both his passion for politics and his writing skills.
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