Trump straws — proudly American. Bernie? He’s got toilet paper

Surprisingly, a select display of campaign swag is a rather accurate depiction of what Americans stand to get in the 2020 presidential election, should the contest come down to President Donald Trump and Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt.

Of course, the self-avowed Democratic Socialist has a lot of work to do to secure the Democrat Party presidential nomination, given that most polls show he now trails former Vice President Joe Biden and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass.

Warren was the recent recipient of the coveted communist endorsement from the Working Families Party over Sanders — the irony being that the progressive group “received hundreds of furious messages, including several using racial slurs against black staffers and at least one celebrating a junior employee’s rape,” as reported by liberal Time magazine.

Courtesy of Bernie’s Army, of course.

On a positive note, with politics on the left going down the toilet like that, there’s now an option of purchasing “Bernie Sanders Toilet Paper,” which gives a whole other meaning to “Feel the Bern.”

The description in an Amazon listing reads: “LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM, TAKING A DUMP WILL NEVER BE BORING AGAIN – Every sheet of toilet paper has a flawless full-color image of Bernie Sanders’ face printed on it. The ink will never smudge, bleed, or run.”

And how about an endorsement from the man himself? Well, in reality, it is not from Sanders, but considering it’s listed as a “gag” product, what the hey.

“It’s time to make toilet paper work for all of us… and not just the 1%,” declares an image that attributes the fake quote to Sanders.

Now compare that to the wholesomeness of the official Trump 2020 campaign swag.

Seizing on a growing need in America, thanks to Democrats, that being the simple luxury of a straw, the Trump campaign offers “reusable & recyclable” straws.

And the nifty straws come with the iconic Trump name stamped on them.

The campaign website takes advantage of the flimsy paper straws pushed by climate activists that get soggy and collapse — much like their choice of candidates.

“Liberal paper straws don’t work. STAND WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP and buy your pack of recyclable straws today,” the product description reads.


“The paper straw is universally hated,” Trump campaign communications director Tim Murtaugh told RealClearPolitics. “People feel like they have been lectured to and told they can’t use plastic straws — you know, the kind that actually work.”

And to be clear, there’s a lot of money at stake here.

The Trump campaign reportedly ordered 200,000 straws initially, then scrambled to order more when the first batch sold out. They told RealClearPolitics in July that sales were expected to exceed half-a-million dollars by the following week.

And if you think the 2020 election has gone to the dogs, the Trump campaign has you covered there too, offering “Make America Great Again” dog collars.

“Man’s best friend deserves the best and who can deny that our MAGA pet collars will be barked about all over town?” the product description states.

And yes, for you nationalists, the product is made right here in the good ole’ U.S of A.

MAGA leashed are also available, as are “dog hoodies” to keep your furry, four-legged friends warm on a chilly November eve as President Trump rolls to reelection.


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Tom Tillison


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