Dr. Obama And The Negative Amortization Diet

By George Noga

Many folks have trouble getting their arms around the spending crisis what with all the maskirovka and obfuscation by President Obama and others. It may be helpful to look at the problem from an entirely different perspective. I regularly have fought the avoirdupois battle and often quipped I was on a negative amortization diet, i.e. I would gain weight initially but lose some back later in the diet. That is the gist of the Obama plan – albeit his plan is far worse!

Let’s take a corpulent patient, Uncle Sam, to illustrate how the Obama diet really works. For many years prior to 2001 Uncle Sam’s weight was fairly steady at 150 pounds. From 2001 to 2008 Sam’s weight was on a continuous upward trajectory and he tipped the scales at 260 pounds at the end of 2008. From that point forward Uncle Sam’s weight has ballooned to 480 pounds and he becomes more rotund each year. In 10 years Sam’s weight will surpass 1,000 pounds (half a ton) and he will need to be taken to the ice house to be weighed. Note: All weights used herein exclude GDP but are accurate in proportion to the federal debt and deficit.

“Dr. Pelosi denies the patient is ill and advises against any diet stating, “Once you place the patient on a diet, you are conceding he is overweight.”

The chief attending physician, Dr. Obama, assisted by Drs. Reid and Pelosi, doesn’t have a treatment plan and insists others come up with a plan he either will veto or approve. Everyone except Dr. Pelosi agrees the patient’s condition is critical and his organs may begin to fail at any time. Dr. Pelosi denies the patient is ill and advises against any diet stating, “Once you place the patient on a diet, you are conceding he is overweight.”

Dr. Pelosi notwithstanding, drastic action is needed. Finally, amidst much bickering and facing an imminent deadline, Dr. Reid and the residents come up with a compromise diet no one really likes but is agreed to. The chief attending physician ratifies the diet without taking any responsibility for it. Dr. Obama computes Uncle Sam’s weight is projected to increase by 550 pounds over the next 10 years; he then prescribes the following diet.

  1. Sam is to reduce from the projected 1,030 pounds down to 880 within 10 years. Sam’s physician asserts this is a significant weight loss and claims success. With straight face Dr. Obama proclaims the patient will “lose” 150 pounds even though his weight goes from 480 to 880. Sam’s liberal friends uncritically accept this rationale.
  2. To avoid too much of a shock to Sam’s systems (he is gluttonous), the Obama diet, such as it is, will not begin for at least a few years. Nearly all the projected weight loss (actually a slower rate of gain) will occur in the final years of the diet.
  3. Once the diet plan is adopted, Dr. Obama reserves the right to order Uncle Sam to break the diet if it proves too uncomfortable for him.
  4. The patient got this morbidly obese by eating way too much fat – especially pork. However, Dr. Obama orders Sam to cut back on his broccoli and Brussels sprouts.
  5. Dr. Obama ignored the treatment that resulted in the miraculous recovery of a Canadian patient in similar condition to Uncle Sam. Treated by progressive physicians, Drs. Chretien and Martin, the Canadian patient in one decade returned to his original weight; today he is healthy and runs circles around Sam.
  6. Dr. Obama disregarded the successful Canadian treatment because he prefers the dogma he learned in school, church and the neighborhood to modern medical science. Instead he chose the European diet which has failed everyone who attempted it. Some European patients have become so morbidly obese they now are known as the PIIGS.

After much consternation and debate, Uncle Sam agrees to the Obama diet. After a short time he goes into cardiac arrest and his organs begin to fail. His friends refuse to loan him any more money to continue what obviously is a failed program. He is placed on life support while everyone who was dependent on him has their lives thrown into absolute chaos.

“Is Dr. Obama a real doctor or a witch doctor?”

When asked about the patient’s rapidly deteriorating condition, Dr. Obama heaps all the blame on Sam’s prior doctor – the one who treated Sam back when he weighed a mere 260 pounds. Dr. Obama isn’t really interested in curing the patient; rather, his aim is to transform the patient to conform to his dogma. If the patient succumbs, so be it. That would facilitate cloning him in the image of his effete European cousins.

Has Dr. Obama violated his oath by knowingly prescribing a failed regimen and ignoring a successful one? Is Dr. Obama a real doctor or a witch doctor? You decide.


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